My parents came down to help after Claire was born. Isabelle and Maddy just ate up all the attention. Maddy showed an interest in potty training for the first time (which instantly ended when grandma left - so sad about that.) Claire's baby blessing was at the end of March and Dan's family was out for that. We were able to go down to the San Diego Temple the day before - such a wonderful experience. Dan even started redoing our dining room (which I absolutely love what he did with it - just beautiful. Not completely done yet but still looking very good). It seemed like things were turning up. The end of April brought our 6th anniversary & the first anniversary that we haven't gone out for. We had a nice evening in - as nice as you can with a 4 year old, a 2 year old, and a 2 month old anyway.
May was another pretty bad dip. Dan's headaches were getting worse, seizures more frequent. The time had come to turn to the surgery option. As rough of a decision as it was to make, Dan also needed to take leave from work and go on disability until after recovery. It just wasn't safe for him to drive the mountain road to get to work with the seizures and just getting out of bed each morning was becoming extremely difficult. Dan put in the call for an appointment with Dr. Hsu to discuss/schedule surgery.
Just a snippet about Dr. Hsu - he is an amazing man & we are very grateful that we were paired with him. Dan did so much research from the time he was diagnosed. There is one doctor's name that stands out as the authority on Dan's condition who practices in Arizona. Dr. Hsu trained under him. As we looked into the papers and research that Dr. Hsu has done we were confident that Dan would be in good hands. I'm sure if you ask Dan he can elaborate more on Dr.Hsu. Unfortunately, it would be about 6 more weeks before we could even get an appointment with him.
Now, Dan's the kind that goes stir crazy if he stays home all day on a Saturday. Take a person like that and keep them home for the better part of a couple months. Yeah, not good. So Dan took on a project - a butcher block countertop as a gift for our friend Matt Taft. Headaches, seizures, woodworking equipment - I promise we are sane around here even if it doesn't always sound like it. Anyway, it was beautiful as well. I'm looking forward to getting a cutting board with the leftover wood.
Those six weeks were long. It had been a hard year, we were all pretty exhausted by that point. I couldn't even tell you any of the specifics of those weeks other than they were dark days. I wouldn't want to relive them. Finally the appointment came. We got a brief overview of what would happen with surgery & were told we would get a call informing us of the next available surgery slot. The call came - July 2nd - still a few weeks away. We were to have a pre-op appointment the week before to get the rundown for surgery. I'm not going to lie - I felt conflicted. I knew it was what needed to happen, but I was still nervous. Though part of me was truly dreading the additional wait.
I apologize in advance if I have to do a part 3. I didn't realize how emotional I'd get going over all this again. I kept telling myself that I had to be strong through all of this & that I could break down once it was all over. I guess I'm having the breakdown now that I wanted to have back then. Anyway, back to the story.
The pre-op appointment came & Dr. Hsu's assistant went through protocols and answered questions. Then it was off to admission and a meeting with anesthesia. Honestly most of that day was a blur. Back then I could have remembered word for word what they said, but right now it's clouded more by what actually happened. The only part I truly remember was that we wouldn't know what time surgery was or when we'd have to come in until the day before. Yeah, I know - lots of notice there. Sunday we called for a fast for Dan. I am absolutely amazed at the number of people who joined with us - even those we don't know. We were absolutely astounded by the number of prayers on our behalf as well. That day Dan sang "He Hears Me" in church. Yeah, that was a crying day.
Anyway . . . I went into a stocking/cooking frenzy after that. When I can't control what's going on, I try to control what I can. Plus, I'm always calmer when I know there is food in the house. Odd quirk of mine, anyway. Dan's parents came in on the Wednesday before surgery. Claire decided to be a doll & FINALLY take a bottle which helped my stress level since she wouldn't be allowed into any of the care areas at the hospital. Thursday we went to the San Diego Temple again. It was a rather emotional day there. All I can really say is that we knew everything was going to be okay. We still had some anxiety, but we knew it would be okay. We also got the call that surgery would be at noon but we'd need to be there at 6am for an MRI and other pre-op procedures. That meant we were leaving really early the next morning. That night was another very special night. Some people from church came to give Dan a blessing before surgery. I received one as well. For all the trials we were going through, the spiritual blessings were astounding.
I don't think either of us slept very much that night. It was simultaneously the day I had been waiting for and dreading. The morning was lots of stop and go - but mostly waiting around. Go to the pre-op area - wait. Go to the MRI area - wait (or at least I had to wait). Back to pre-op - wait, wait wait. Oh by the way, surgery is being bumped 2hrs to 2:00. Wait, wait, wait. Get it? We waited alot - and watched soccer. Finally, Dan got taken away & I was to go to the . . . waiting room. The last words I heard before watching Dan be wheeled away was the nurse saying "God be with you." I love that hospital.
So we got down to the lobby/waiting area and I was given a pager. It was supposed to update every hour or so with what was going on upstairs in surgery. Nice idea, but every hour (okay. okay more than that) I'd look at it & nothing would change. I tried to occupy myself with Claire and a book - not too terribly hard to do - and not look at the time. 6:00 hit. Surgery was supposed to be 4hrs - though I was warned that it could take longer and not to worry if it did. So, I went as casually as I could (see: I was trying not to jump and run) to the receptionist to see what was going on since my pager wasn't doing anything and surgery should be about over. Surprised that the pager wasn't working, she called upstairs to find out what was going on. Surgery hadn't started. Don't know why, but surgery hadn't started. It was about to though. 5 minutes later the pager goes off saying surgery started. So I did a little math. Started around 6, 4hr surgery put us at 10, 1hr in post-op recovery, 1hr to get settled in intensive care . . . I wasn't going to see Dan until midnight & we had been there since 6am.
I was physically exhausted. I was emotionally exhausted. I was planning on being there the next morning too but didn't see how that was possible with driving home and back. I was just ready for it all to be over. I went to the cafeteria and ate dinner alone. Dan's parents were there, Scott was there (they all got there before Dan left for surgery earlier in the day) but I wanted to be alone. Meanwhile, the rest of the hospital was closing down for the night and a closing prayer went out over the intercom.
Claire needed to eat so I grabbed her, the diaper bag, and the pager and headed to the restroom. I have to admit I was feeling pretty sorry for myself and my anxiety was through the roof. I was trying to think of ways to pass the next 2 hours or so as Claire was needing to get to bed and I had already finished my book. Then the pager went off. Meet the doctor in the lobby is all it said. It was only 2 hours into a 4 or so hour surgery. My heart dropped. I wasn't doing very well at calming myself - I'll admit I was thinking the worst.
Try as I might to pack Claire back up quickly - she wasn't having it. I ran out to the lobby as fast I could - but I could see Dr. Hsu already walking away. Luckily we were able to flag him back down. It was over - they were stitching him back up. It seemed surreal. 2 hours before I was preparing to be there for the long haul and now, it was over. I was told I would be messaged again when I could see him. 20 minutes earlier I didn't think I could keep my eyes open - I was wide awake then!
The pager went off an hour later saying he was out of surgery. About an hour and a half after that I was paged with his room number. I think I tossed Claire to the closest person and ran to the elevators. I was supposed to bring a few things up with me - I forgot them all. I was too excited to see him again.
I wasn't sure what I was going to see. I was told in pre-op he would have a 24hr breathing tube. I didn't know how coherent he would be. I didn't care - I just wanted to see him again. What I saw was a miracle. He was awake, talking - making jokes, & even asking for food. Unfortunately Dan's eyes were bigger than his stomach and he couldn't handle the food he requested. He had no breathing tube - they took it out at the end of surgery because he was breathing on his own. The nurse commented on how well he was doing and Dan was quick to respond that it was because of all the people that had been praying for him. It was hard to say goodbye - I really didn't want to leave.
I think I fell asleep as soon as the car started to move. My physical exhaustion just caught up with me. Still, I was up the next morning ready to go visit Dan. It was great to see him again. The medications made him a little chatty and over the next few days Dan had quite a few visitors and phone calls. I know Dan appreciated all the people he saw and got to hear from.
Not even 24hrs after surgery Dan got his first opportunity to get out of bed and try walking. I wish I could have been there, but it was in the evening after I had already gone home to put the girls to bed. Dan was experiencing some double vision as a result of the optic nerve being exposed during surgery. We were told it would just slowly get better over time. That night he was moved from intensive care to the regular neurosurgery recovery rooms.
Sunday was an emotional one. Dan was insistent that I go to church and then come visit. It was a testimony meeting. Miracles happen, I know they do. So many small ones happen each day. But I got to see one - a big one - up close and personal. So many others got to witness it too - but not like we did. We lived it. I know what it feels like to be carried through a trial like that and be brought to the other side. It's powerful.
Monday I got to see Dan walk. It was amazing. I watched him do stairs and all sorts of odd maneuvers to prepare him for going home - because he would be going home the next day. I don't even know how to describe how happy I was to see him walk or how proud I was to see him take the stairs so confidently. I know Dan is going to hate the comparison, but it was even better than watching my kids walk for the first time. This was me seeing my world being put back together - piece by piece.
I swear I'm not doing this justice. My days blurred into one another nonstop from the hospital to the house and back again. If I can get Dan to get on here and recount what he remembers I will. Especially about the nursing staff - they were wonderful, but I didn't get as much time with them as he did. I just remember him telling me it was like looking into the face of Christ everyday. They truly cared for their patients. I just remember being so grateful. I remember the feeling of gratitude I had for life in general. We really just got a new outlook on life.
The day Dan left we had one stop left. In front of the hospital was a statue of Christ with others around him. Before we left Dan had to take a picture of Jesus. Backtrack a little - there's actually a funny story with the statue. Dan's mom told him that Jesus was in front of the hospital and that he needed to go take a picture with him. Now Dan's a little drugged up - surgery and all. Needless to say, Dan was a little confused & it was pretty funny.
So Dan gets home & while he's still healing remarkably well - it's still a long journey out of the woods. There incision pain - and medication to step down from. There's sensitivity to noise and 3 small kids - 1 of which just found their voice & loves to screech. There's the double vision which though it's getting better day by day is still an obstacle. There's Dan's biggest challenge - a sore jaw. In other words, as much as he'd love to chomp down on a hamburger - he can't.
That brings us roughly to today. The vision is all cleared up. He's off the pain medication. His sensitivity to sound and incision pain are considerably less. He's still working on the hamburger thing - but he's determined to get there too. He's even scheduled to go back to work October 1st. He even got a second calling at church - ward choir director. Blessings, blessing everywhere.
So what about the girls during all of this? Well, we got to try out that whole "it takes a village" thing. We've had so much help from friends, family, and friends that might as well be family. It's been rough on them too, but it's getting much better. Isabelle started kindergarten this fall. She is doing so well - reading, writing, and more than they are even doing in class. She loves reading. She is one smart cookie. Maddy's become quite the little talker. She's also our resident fashionista. She has to pick out everything from what's in her hair to the shoes she wears - & she does an amazing job. She likes to dress Isabelle, Claire, and even me if I'll let her. She loves clothes and shopping - a girly girl through and through. She also started potty training again & is doing a wonderful job.
As for me, I haven't given up on writing but I haven't jumped back into actively writing. I don't think I'll even say when I am writing again, just one day I'll say "SURPRISE! I'm Done!" For now I'm content with my girls and working on personal progress. I hope to have all the personal progress done for my birthday next month. I might start volunteering in Isabelle's class soon. Fun stuff.
Well that's it - all caught up I think. I know I owe a million pictures from these 2 years. I'll get to it. I really will. For now, it's another day with things to do & the pictures will just have to wait a little longer.
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